Valentine's Day Massacre MTB Ride - Haslemere

XC Mountain biking – Haslemere 14/02/10

The Ride: XC route starting from Haslemere and heading off onto the muddy byways and bridleways via The Devils Punchbowl.

  

Riders: Big Smurf, Al (Woody), Raph, Daz Parker, Wendy, Loren & Lin (Tom Tom).

Lin (Tom Tom) - due to the fact she can memorise routes - like having your very own Tom Tom in the woods. We have been know to call her in the middle of a forest and ask her for directions.

Al (Woody) - due to her dislike of wood (tree routes) though i have a feeling she is getting better handling wood these days, due to her improved riding ability.

Bikes:
La Pierre (Little Pete) 517

La Pierre 514 (LPs little brother)

Specialized Stumpjumper 

Iron Horse MK III Elite (His sister bike was tucked up in bed)

Bontrager Race Lite

Cannondale Rush Carbon

Scott Scale

Description:

Clapham Junction was the start of the journey for me and Loren (my upstairs neighbour who was on his maiden voyage with the crew) and after a morning dash from Camberwell we dived into M&S and Costa Coffee to pick up some food for the journey. Some were more eager than others fill up theirs manbag, full to the brim with sandwiches and pastries. There was not too much talking on the train either as some of the crew were too busy eating or too busy working out what to wear. Loren, on his first ride out with us finally gave in an tucked into a sticky bun. Raph was is supposed to be going on a 'P' diet - it means he cannot have anything or do anything beginning with 'P' - good luck. :)))))) He broke the diet in the first few minutes by eating a pastry and going for a pee and i bet you any money by the time he reads this he will have eaten a pie.

We met Lin (Tom Tom), Wendy and Daz at Haslemere and after checking our bikes and equipment and yet another wee stop, we managed to head out from the station. A long dreary drag on tarmac road past massive houses until finally coming to the start of the off-road section.

 

  

Stopping at the start of the off-road section in order to slip into something less mmmmmmm hot, was the order of the day. I kept on my winter warmers, cos i hate the cold. The track was nice and rocky and a nice enough gradient to speed over the bumps to the top where we were met by a group of horses. (see photo) The one on the bike is not a horse of course, but Al (Woody). Somehow i think the horses can go faster than a La Pierre.

The terrain was varied from small muddy tracks, steep climbs to tarmac roads and flat open heathland.

About 1/3 of the way round we found the pub. It was cold, wet and the thought of sitting in a nice warm pub was tooooooo tempting, but, and yes there was a but - WE HAD BROUGHT SANDWICHES :((((((((((((((((((( - great weather for a picnic, not. Of all the days we had to do economy. About 15 grands worth of bikes just strewn all over the grass as we munched on our little packs of M&S goodness.

 

The afternoon was full of dramas. The mud played havoc with my sense of balance and in my eagerness to pass Woody, i got bogged down and fell off, but took Woody out with me as well, both ending up in the mud. Sorry Woody :((. It was hard work at times and one particular hill was a real bitch. It was muddy and very very steep. We all attempted it but no one succeeded and trust me we have some good climbers in the group. There were some beautiful houses tucked away in the woods, probably owned by ankers, i mean bankers - i can see where their bonuses go.

 

  

 

Look deep into the woods and there you will see a rare example of a 'Wendy'. Hiding behind a bush and

ready to attempt to slog through the mud. It was one long drawn out mud bath and the cause of much disgruntlement in the ranks, let alone pain in the calves.

 

 

 

Finally, we ended back at the station and ready to get on a nice warm train. Unfortunately, we were a bit early so we took over the waiting room and it gave Woody an opportunity to do a striptease and change into something less muddy. Notably absent from this picture is the 'Wendy' - tucked up in the car with nice warm blanket.

Train journey back was great. Packed train and again we had to turf someone out of the bike area. I forgot to mention it was Valentine's Day and i was moved when Woody offered me half of the chocolate heart that Raph had given her.

Route: Tom Tom has kindly written out the route. Perhaps not the route to take your loved one on Valentines Day if you want to stay together.

Food: Sandwiches, wraps, bananas and maltesers: I know, what has the world come too. What happened to the nice pub stop, the apple crumble and custard. Well all I can say is thank god for M&S, as we were able to stock up, some more than others, at Clapham Junction before the ride. Food was consume in the grounds of a really nice looking pub - dangle the carrot why don't you.

Mechanicals: Puncture: Wendy was no where to be seen and after we trekked back up the hill we found her on the side of the road mending her puncture. I helped out

to start with and Raph kindly offered to help get it nice and hard with a few more pumps.

Distance: Approx 25 miles (35miles including the ride to/from Clapham Junction).

Terrain: Very muddy, lots of climbs, deep mud and slippy. Mix of byway, bridleway and some minor tarmac roads, oh and did I say climbs.

Weather: Cloudy, some snow/sleet and it was very, very cold.

Notes: It was a Valentine's Day Massacre due to the fact we were all knackered afterwards. Lin had taken us all out and used and abused us. I think it was all part of the girls plan and they wanted to see what us boys were made of.